he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
