I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
