I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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