So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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