She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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