Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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