The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
