Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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