I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
