Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
