Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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