I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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