I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
