Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
