and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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