3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
