dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
