He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
