I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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