I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
