Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
