i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
