I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
