life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
