He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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