Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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