If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
