I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
