I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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