I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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