Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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