I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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