My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
did i just pee glitter
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
