enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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