opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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