Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
