I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
