I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
