I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
