I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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