Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
