i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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