On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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