I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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