I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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