Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
