Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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