youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
