So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
