you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
