She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
