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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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