we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
