Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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