Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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