apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
