White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
