and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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