I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
...so i touched it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
