you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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