so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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